Reconnecting

Posted on Thu Aug 26th, 2021 @ 10:50am by Ka'see 'Cassie' Anderson (*) & Johnathan Anderson Junior

Mission: Mission 14: Holoworld
Location: Deck 5 - Crew Quarters
Timeline: Two Months Ago
1520 words - 3 OF Standard Post Measure

Johnathan had finally been released from sickbay. While his mind was still healing, Issac had felt he would do better in familiar home surroundings, with his wife. So, he made his way to the quarters that he and Cassie had started to make their own.

However, when he reached his destination, he not only found that his biometrics no longer unlocked the door, but Cassie no longer lived there either. He was dumbstruck by this. In the few times she had visited him in sickbay, she had never told him about this change. Of course, she hadn't said much at all to him since his return. Nor had she tried to make physical contact with him, other than a few cursory pats on his arm during the episode with the pirates.

Now, with all of these new facts piling up in his mind, he was truly beginning to worry if she even wished to remain his wife and mate. It was a possible truth he couldn't focus on at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to repair the damage to their bond and carry on together.

So, after finding out where she was currently living, Johnathan made his way there. A few moments later, as he stood outside of the locked door, he took a breath to try and steady the bundle of nerves that he currently was. Then, he reached up and pressed the call button.

Cassie stood up from her mediation confused at someone disturbing her evening. Liha could not be finished already. She pressed the door release and frowned as she took in Johnathan stood there. “You have been released? Why did no one tell?” She said before moving back to let him inside. The room was still set up like it had been in the old quarters with both their stuff there. This was going to be awkward and Cassie did not do awkward.

Johnathan nodded nervously as he entered her quarters. "I-I-I don't kn-know." He took a deep breath and then asked, "W-Would you rath-th-that I n-not be here?"

Cassie wished she could be anywhere but there right then and there. It was disconcerting to her to not be able to prepare especially when she had been in the middle of something to try and process everything. "It is your quarters but this is... not the way I would have planned things if I could have." She tried to explain.

Stepping up to her, Johnathan raised his right hand and gently cupped Cassie's left cheek. He missed the soft warmness of her skin. Looking into her eyes, the pure love he felt for her filled his eyes and words. "I-I-I'm....I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm-I'm-I'm sorry that y-y-you ha-a-a-ave b-b-been alone." He stopped to catch his breath. Speaking with emotion was still very difficult, however, he had to say this.

"I-I-I will n-n-never know...how d-d-d-d-d...hard...this p-p-past year was, for y-y-y-you. I pr-pr-promise you... I will n-n-never, ever, leave your s-s-s-side again! If-if-if it takes m-m-me the rest of m-m-my life...I will m-m-m-make it up t-t-to you!" He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself as she had taught him in the past, all the while, never taking his hand from her cheek.

"I know you are sorry Nath but this is not a quick fix. My trust has been broken. It is going to take time to make it work again." She said not moving away from his touch but it was awkward for her. She felt a lot of resentment that he had left her for a year. "I want to try but you need to give me that time and a bit of space to understand all of this."

His heartbreaking all over again, Johnathan knew that Cassie was right. It didn't matter that for the past year he was in a living hell of constant pain and not knowing who he was, where he was, or if anyone was missing him. What mattered is that he left her, even if it was to help a member of their new family. Clearly, what he had gone through wasn't punishment enough.

Lowering his hand from her face his features looked like his heart had been ripped out and destroyed. "I...I unders-s-stand." He said barely above a whisper, his eyes dropping from hers. He started to turn away as he continued. "I'll f-f-f-ind d-d-d-d...other quarters."

“This is our quarters.” She said simply frustrated. Her Vulcan nature was telling her none of this was logical whilst her human heart was telling her to delve into their connection and fix what she could. “No, you don’t. Just like I don’t understand why you did not get any help. Freecloud is the one place in the universe where you could have gotten help no questions asked.” She said moving to sit on the couch. It sagged under her weight being old but she did not notice.

Looking back at the woman who had held his heart for well over a century, Johnathan tried to explain. "I d-d-didn't know who I w-w-was! I c-c-couldn't under-der-derstand....." he took a breath. "Understand anyone around m-m-me. I was t-t-tormented and-and-and attacked by hooligans and g-g-gangs! The-the-the only peace I had w-w-was w-w-when I slept! That's...that's when I finally found you. You w-w-were my angel in th-th-that hell I was existing in!"

Tears were flowing freely from his eyes as he wept and spoke. "I kn-kn-knew that y-y-y-you were special! I j-j-just c-c-couldn't remember why! I would have c-c-come b-b-back to you in an instant....if-if-if-if I could've remembered. Do you honestly think th-th-that I w-w-w-was enjoying m-m-m-myself?!" All of the emotions he had felt over the past year were starting to gush out of him as he spoke. Fear, loss, anger, rage, desire, anguish, loneliness. They were all forcing their way out of him as he tried to explain how he had tried to survive without her.

"I know you were not enjoying yourself but I do not understand." She said simply. She could not understand the process of it all. It was not logical to her and that was where she was struggling.

"W-w-what's not to und-d-d-derstand? I was z-z-z...hit by a powerf-f-ful electrical dis-dis-discharge, w-w-which shorted my m-m-m....brain. I then tri-tri-tried to survive, on-on-on-on an alien world, sur-sur-surrounded by aliens, all wh-wh-while n-n-n-not knowing, who I-I-I-I was." He took a few calming breaths to try and refocus his building energies.

"Th-th-the first time...that I felt anything, w-w-was w-w-when we conn-conn-conn...met in our dreams. And that's all I th-th-th-thought they were. Dreams, for m-m-me to escape into."

Cassie stayed silent, processing the shuttered words in her mind. She was torn and conflicted and they were not emotions that normally went through her. She normally knew her mind and went for it. "They were not dreams. They were trance like state." She finally explained.

A hopeful look crossed the pilot's face. "C-c-can we...can we t-t-try to do it again?" He hoped that it would help them come back together, to touch their minds to one another again. "It-it-it-it was w-w-w-what saved me!"

Cassie frowned. She was not sure how it worked at all. It was not something she could control at all. It was something that came with a mating bond or some type of connection. "I am not sure how it really works. I was just asleep at the same time as you." She said with a shrug.

"S-s-so let's go to sleep." He said, a hopeful smile softly crossing his face. "W-w-when we to-to-touched...in our dreams, I f-f-felt like myself!"

"I do not feel like sleeping but feel free to go to sleep. I will join you when I am tired. I have a gym session planned after Liha's shift why I was meditating to centre myself." Cassie revealed something that had changed since he had left. She interacted with the crew more. She had an evening gym session with Liha. It was nice to have a vulcanoid female onboard that she could let loose without fear of injuring or more.

Johnathan nodded quietly. While he was glad that Cassie seemed to have grown more friendships while he was gone, he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt to hear her choose going out over being with him. But, he told himself, everything that their relationship would be now, was his doing. Had he told Micheal no, then things would be different. "O-o-okay," he said softly finally. "H-h-h-have fun." He started to move in to give her a kiss but stopped. She had barely touched him since his return. It was just another reality that he would have to accept. "I-I'm going to take a sh-sh-shower, then g-g-go to bed." His voice was full of pain, even though he tried to hide it inside. Turning away, he left his wife alone in the living room, while he made his way to the shower. Hopefully, once the water was running, he wouldn't be able to pick out his tears from the water droplets.