Over Thinking

Posted on Sun Apr 9th, 2023 @ 5:52am by Leiddem Kea (*) & Delaney O'Callaghan

Mission: Mission 16: Hysperia
Location: Private quarters
Timeline: After Dragon Joust
2556 words - 5.1 OF Standard Post Measure

It had been a while since the pair of them had decided to just have a normal night at home. Between enjoying the size of the bathtub in the room they'd rented on the night of the festival opening, and just venturing out until all hours to soak up the Hysperian nightlife, there hadn't been a lot of cause for Delaney to resist her body's natural desire to only sleep in 3-4 hour stints. Their reserves of local currency only stretched so far, however, and even the gregarious redhead had to admit there was something nice about the simplicity of their couch, a classic monster movie, and her boyfriend's lap. Predictable familiarity that carried a special warmth because it had been something they'd naturally fallen into after the ship's previous ordeal. They hadn't technically moved in with each other but Delaney's quarters were still festooned with costumes she'd made, or was in the process of altering. She hadn't slept there since emerging from the frigid darkness.

Right now, her head using Leiddem's lap as a cushion, she was dealing with a rare bout of depleted energy. There were repercussions, of course, to maintaining a pace that left very little room for decompression and she had possibly indulged in more alcohol than was easy to mitigate without consequence over the past few days. It wasn't so much that they'd partied hard and wiped themselves out; they just kept going places where having a beer was practically law. The compounding impact of that, and her insistence on climbing mountains that she nearly fell off, was a gentle sleepiness that had actually provided space for comfortable silence. Her recovering wrist, hand rested against her hip, was also partially responsible, having required a dose of painkillers for her to stand a chance at settling for the night. The dragon jousting had been enough excitement for one day and, for once, Delaney was peaceful. Content. Quiet.

It created space for thinking. At first, she'd been fine with just watching the movie and switching off, but her brain, even when saturated with fatigue, wasn't really built for that. It eventually meandered along the pathways that so often became verbalisations, her capacity to turn anything into a conversation well-known by this point. For once, she kept her wonderings inside her head, though she eventually arrived at a point that, once pondered, saw her situational awareness rouse enough for her to roll onto her back and gaze up at the likewise-silent man staring at the television. Languid eyes, not hiding their weariness, studied him for a moment. Delaney couldn't put her finger on it but it had gradually occurred to her that it felt as though Leiddem wasn't entirely there. Brooding, his sister called it. Having put extra effort into being more observant and taking the time to notice the subtle changes in him, rather than allowing her personality to just bluster over them, the redhead alternated between curiosity and concern whilst being equal parts kind of pleased with herself for noticing at all.

She lifted her good arm up with index finger extended and tapped him lightly beneath the chin. "Boop."

Leiddem had never been one to worry before but as he lay there in a comfortable position he could not help but let his mind wander. It was a film he had seen a million times, he knew was coming so it was the sort of film that he could drift off in. He was distant and thoughtful but he was unsure how to bring it all together again it kept going back to the same thing; he felt inadequate suddenly. He knew he was never going to compare to a lot of people but he did not like suddenly how he felt about it. The man had not been aware of having been daydreaming he suspected with the pop on his nose that he had been doing it for quite a while. He glanced down and looked at the woman and smiled. “Hey. Best bit coming up.” He commented.

The sleepy smile on Delaney's face gave him some reprieve from her usual tenacity as her outstretched hand rubbed against his faint stubble. Gravity's insistence eventually won out and she lowered her arm to settle across her stomach, the bandaged wrist of her injured hand rested higher across her chest. Delaney turned her head to blink at the screen but remained outstretched on her back. "I'm still holding out hope that the creature just eats the blonde that won't stop screaming." True to her nature, the redhead had limited sympathy for characters who opted to remain helpless.

The man shrugged and glanced at the screen. It was one of the things he loved about the quarters when he had moved in after Jeassaho and Reuben had sorted out their differences and relationship, it had a big screen to watch movies or the Federation news network on. It was part of his routine and he liked it and would not change it now that it was a bit of their routine. “Keep hoping.” He said quietly.

It was the tone that was wrong, coupled with the faraway look in his eye. There was also something else, a sense of disquiet that Delaney couldn't quite place and didn't know enough about to identify as the glimmerings of a tentative empathetic awareness. She was the first to admit she wasn't always the fastest pick-up, sometimes veering into thoughtlessness without intention, but the change in her own pace brought with it a pensiveness that was actually far more common than most assumed. Delaney could reflect, and she could notice subtle changes in the people she held near and dear. Normally, when something was bothering Leiddem, it was obvious and the catalyst for it was usually rooted in some sort of obligation he felt he'd fallen short of. This time, his girlfriend was somewhat at a loss to explain it.

Rolling onto her side again so that her injured hand settled once more on her hip, Delaney watched the next few minutes quietly before reaching up to pull his arm around her. There, being careful not to antagonise her wrist too much, she set her hand on top and laced her fingers through his. "This bunch sure like to complain a lot. Sure, some weird oversized predator is hunting them in the middle of no where but it still has its head. And it's not riding a horse."

“Mmmhmm.” Leiddem answered distracted before he blinked and realised he was offering lip service. He might have seen the film many times but she had not. “They remind me of the time that we got stuck in the mirror universe or whatever we are calling that universe and everyone hid in the grotto and I had to go out with Cassie and pretend to be Imperial Starfleet officers. There was a lot complaining that happened that day.”

Delaney considered the reference, an occurrence from just before her time on board, and the stories that had filtered out from it the more she'd got to know those swept up in the events. It sounded more and more like a holonovel each time she heard aspects of it, which ordinarily would have been exciting except for the fact that people she cared about had actually lived through it. "This crew has been through a lot when you think about it," she eventually said, her own tone uncharacteristically quiet.

"Been six years out here. Not exactly happened all at once." He reminded. "Was crazier in Starfleet. I was not exactly unprepared." He added thinking on the events that had led him to handing back his commission and chucking his lot in with Gregnol and SS Mary Rose. "Universe is a crazy place."

"No arguments here." That in itself was a minor miracle. The tip of her thumbnail grazed along the side of his thumb as Delaney blinked at the screen in an attempt to focus, despite the fact that burgeoning awareness was dragging her attention towards contemplating of her boyfriend's mood. "It put me in the right place at the right time though so I can probably cut it some slack."

"You should. If a lot did not happen how could anyone learn to appreciate the little moments like this? Moments like this are savoured." He said glancing down at what she was doing and offered a small smile to her at the way it sent shivers down his back. "How is your arm?" He questioned.

"Sore." It was a typically blunt response, peppered by the deadpan of resignation that still left a tiny amount of room for feeling put out by the whole debacle. If she allowed Leiddem to tell the story, she had survived nearly falling down a mountain. If Delaney employed her usual candour, then she'd rolled partially down a hill and had just bent her wrist awkwardly in the process. It had robbed her of riding a dragon. It was threatening to rob her of a decent night's sleep despite being exhausted for once. It was not, when it was all said and done, her finest moment to date.

With some effort, Delaney rolled onto her back again, settling his hand on her stomach so that she could lay hers on top of it. "What about you, is your shoulder still bothering you?" Turned out jousting was rough on the joints in the arm; who knew.

"Completely but I am not going to bed high," he said quietly as his hand settled on her stomach. He could easily take something for it but it felt wrong when it was not exactly anything major. He was simply working to hard. What he needed was a soak in a bath with some Betazed herbs and have an early night but lying on the couch like he was was going to be good enough.

That earned him a playful frown. "I am not high," she protested, finding the implication all the more unfair because he'd been the one who'd insisted she take painkillers in the first place. "I am tired. It happens sometimes. Usually after six days straight of going to bed at 2am and waking up at 6am." It was a tease mostly, she wouldn't have traded the opportunity to burn the candle at both ends with him for anything.

He had enjoyed it too but it was catching up on him. He could feel it, especially with his mood the way it was. "I did not imply you were. I just meant... we have different physiology and what works for you will have a different reaction on me." He said sharply before taking a deep breath and sighing. "I am going to bed. Sorry." It was an apology for a lot of things but mostly the way he jostled her slightly as he made an attempt to move her off of him and get up.

"Leiddem, what's wrong?"

She had second-guessed herself enough, worried that perhaps she was just tired and reading into things. But there was nothing to hide his attempt at running away now, and there was no context that Delaney could think of that would explain why he suddenly didn't seem to want to settle. Try as she might to employ the better judgement she'd been working on, Delaney found her immediate assumption was to assume some sort of personal fault. Had there been too much hanging out together? Ever since arriving, the pair of them had branched out in their own ways and it hadn't been an intention to monopolise him, not to mention it was nigh on impossible to tell with him sometimes because she was not a mind reader. Half the time he instigated their shenanigans.

As she sat up and moved to the corner of the couch to frown at him though, Delaney did her best to fill the role, however. "You've been a million miles away all night."

He sighed and shook his head at her as he took several steps then stopped. "I am just tired." He assured quickly. He looked tired and worn out and a bit dirty from the dragon fighting. "I need a shower and an early night. Both are open to you." He said as a way as offering some type of olive branch into her worries and to keep her close.

It loosened the knot in her stomach a little, though Delaney's overall concern extended well-beyond a perception of blame these days. For the most part, she trusted him to tell if she was messing up, and even if it was sometimes first instinct to assume she'd done something wrong, her second thought typically told her better. Concerned eyes regarded him for a long moment before Delaney abandoned all attempts to watch the end of the movie and pushed herself off the couch with her good hand. "I can come to bed, I'm not that far from falling asleep here anyway." As she approached him, she settled her injured hand delicately against his chest. "But you do remember that you can talk to me, right? That I'm not just here for the good times, amazing though they are."

The man nodded. He was fully aware that he could share the good, the bad and the ugly with her, but it was not something you could really share when it was all on him. It was his own mind working against him, trying to suggest things, trying to get him down. “I just got a lot going on.” He surmised quickly. It was easier to blame tiredness right and there. Neither of them were in the right head space for a deep conversation. “Definitely do not want a shower with me?” He asked looking down at her.

"I always want to shower with you." Despite the suggestive nature of the response, the honesty behind it was far more simplistic. If Leiddem was present, then Delaney wanted to be there, it didn't really matter where the specific location was. The ease with which that had become the norm, however, gave her pause for thought as she regarded him, returning to her earlier fear with fresh perspective. She smiled faintly and lifted her better hand up to cup his cheek. "But I think maybe you'd appreciate some space."

“Possibly. Quicker to wash and get to bed.” He surmised staring at her thoughtfully before bending to kiss her forehead. “Do not wait up.” He added thinking that it would not be long for either of them to be in the land of nod.

"No promises." Delaney's smile, whilst betraying her fatigue, also acknowledged her tendency to lie awake forever before dropping off. "Hey," she added, grasping his hand for a moment as he moved away. "I love you." Her eyes held his for a moment, hoping that whatever went on behind them was at least able to draw some reassurance from her sincerity.

“I love you more.” He assured pressing a kiss to her forehead again before disappearing into the bathroom. She was right he needed a bit of space to get his thoughts in order and to process and consider where he was going with them.