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Trying to Bury the Memories

Posted on Tue Sep 10th, 2019 @ 9:28pm by Dodian Carli M.D. Psy.D & Jasper Offermans

Mission: Daucina
Location: Counseling office

ON:

Jasper took in a deep breath and pressed the device that would notify the counselor he was there. He looked up for a moment pressing his lips together and then back down to the door just awaiting a response.

Dodian had tried to set out here counseling suite in a comfortable manner. There were a variety of places to sit, to lay if someone wanted too but all were in an open environment where she could face the individual to keep an open body shape for easier dialogue. She had also lit some relaxing candles she'd picked up and ensured the light was at a suitable level to not startle those that walked through her doors.

The warbled noise of her doorbell rang and she looked at the doors with expectation. "Come in." she said softly as the person entered.

Jasper had walked in almost robot-like as conditioning seemed to press him forward. He drew in a deep breath and raised his eyes to look at Dodian, "s,sorry to bother you, doctor, but could we talk?"

"Of course, please take a seat where you feel comfortable." She said gesturing to the available options in the room. "Please don't feel like a bother, no-one is ever that in here Mr Offermans. Can I get you anything?" she asked softly. A quick scan of his face told her was Jasper Offermans, Operations Officer on board and previously of the USS Ishimura. Dodian had an eidetic memory so had read all crew evaluations before boarding so she would recognize the crew should they ever wander through her doors.

Offerman nodded pressing his lips together. He took one of the seats and took in a deep breath, "I'm, fine, thank you." Jasper placed his hands on the top of his legs and gently squeezed them nervously. "I, um, found some files... on the LCARS..." He hesitated to try to put his thoughts into words, "data from the Ishimura."

Dodian could see how the man was acting and sat in front of him. She faced him with open body language and made sure she leaned forward a bit to show engagement, just as she'd been taught many decades ago. Her species were called Listeners for a reason, people opened up to them about their inner fears, dreams and most secrets they tended to keep to themselves. Made for being a good counselor.

"And these 'files' are troubling you?" she asked, not knowing what they contained. "This is a confidential space Mr Offermans. Anything you say to me stays between us, remember that. I will not push you for answers you don't want to give me."

"It's not that there is anything, wrong, with the files," Jasper began taking in a deep breath, "it is surprising they have managed to stay undetected this long, but it's what they bring up, you know, memories." He took in a deep breath and studied the counselor for a moment, "they were our friends and colleagues, family, and now they're gone."

"The people you once knew are never really gone. As long as you remember them, talk about them then they can live on through you and the others that were here when the ship bore the name Ishimura." Dodian said softly. "I can understand that seeing these files brings back a lot of emotion, even confusion can be common if you don't quite understand how you feel." She continued. "When you see the files, how do you feel?" She asked knowing the words that would follow. Dodian would never plant emotions, or words, into people whilst in session. It always worked best when they thought about it and came to a conclusion themselves.

"I feel sadness," Jasper began trying to put into words what he was experiencing, "fear, a sense of loss." He tilted his head and looked down at the office floor, "I, I feel guilty, really guilty." He looked back up at the woman, his eyes about to brim over with emotion, "I shouldn't have made it."

If he knew anything about her then it would have made him laugh, or at the very least realize the closeness to her own history that he was saying. Dodian, a refugee in the Alpha Quadrant, a survivor of El Auria; her destroyed home. Billions of her people dead, she didn't think often that she deserves to live either. Her time as an Orion sex slave, she wanted to die but still kept on living, she survived that and found purpose in helping others, even if she couldn't help herself.

"But you did." Dodian replied, "Make it I mean." She leant back in her seat, trying to find the words, knowing there wouldn't really be any that would ease the man's pain but maybe she could help with his guilt. "These are all normal emotions of those that survive an event like this. Something to grand, so deeply connected to you that you feel because you are here and they are not that you don't deserve it." She took a sip of her water, she always left some lying around as she never got enough as a prisoner.

"Let me ask you something, Mr. Offermans. How would your friends, your colleagues feel knowing you survived? How would they want you to be?"

"I," Jasper began stumbling over his words, "I think they would want me to be happy, live a full life." He furrowed his brow as he continued, "but how can I, how can I knowing that they're didn't, that the cloud creature...." his voice trailed off as he thought about the events that led up to the decision to entrap themselves in the transporter. "They were, good people."

"What you say is very important, it's how you feel as well. You know you want to be happy but are conflicted with the guilt of being able to pursue happiness whilst others cannot." Dodian concluded a little to bring clarity. "It is important that you realise that what happened to them was not something you could have changed, that is has passed and whilst the memories are still real that the good ones are the ones to focus on. Remember gatherings, parties, even chats on the bridge or areas around. To you they are good people and you should honour their memory by celebrating your life, for them as well as yourself." she said as she looked at the man's nervous state. "This is not a one session thing where we can overcome how you feel, how you think. We will take as long as you need, as long as you want to try and help you through this."

Jasper nodded and took in a deep breath, "alright." he stared off into space for a moment then breathed again, "do you really think I can get past this?"

"People are remarkable beings. I have found that especially Humans have such great potential for change and growth. It has amazed me over my years the range of emotion and change that your species can make. So yes, I believe you can get past this Mr. Offermans." she said moving forward in her seat to catch his gaze. To give him warm reassurance with her soft eyes. "I am here for you, nothing will change that. You can see me any time you need too, and we don't need to even talk about anything important. Sometimes it's just as important to talk about nonsense. If you want to get past this you will."

"Thank you," the man said taking in a deep breath, "I do want to get over this." He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, "but why now, why didn't I feel this way right after being released from the transporter?"

"And we will, in time." Dodian said and gave him a look of reassurance. "Sometimes the feelings of guilt are delayed. In cases of trauma such as yours when you came out there was a lot to process, so much had happened. It takes time for a mind to fully understand and comes to terms with what happened and how things are now. Now you have probably settled a bit more, feel more at ease and therefore feel you may not belong, but you do."

"Thank you," Jasper replied softly, "you are right, I often wonder if I really do fit in, in this time, this ship."

"Time is fickle. It does what it wants with you and let's you pick up the pieces." she said veering off down her own memory lane. Her slavery experience still bothered her. "To feel like you belong you need to accept this is where you are now. You do belong here, everyone belongs." Once again she remembered being told she she was nothing, that she belonged to her master and she served a purpose to the clients that would come to Orions doors. It was nothing like what Mr Offermans felt she was sure but sometimes her barriers are not as professional as she would like. "Right now you belong, here in this room."

"I'm," Jasper said tilting his head, "not sure that's completely true, Dodian." He drew in a deep breath, "I'm here, primarily because I was already on the ship and then when found had no place really to go." He sighed and added, "wasn't needed here before I was taken out of the transporter so my service here is more of convenience than necessity.

"Well let me put it this way. You were kept in some sort of statis?" she asked rhetorically. "What makes you think you dont have a place here? Your pattern could have degraded beyond recovery, you could have been lost like others you have spoken of. However, you are here." Dodian replied softly and moved forward a little in her seat to meet his gaze. "The universe has a way of delivering us to where we need to be. You were delivered here, with us."

Placing her hand on his shoulder she looked at him with her deep green eyes. "You are not a convenience, Jasper. On a civilian ship you are here because you are wanted. You are more than what you were before, look to what you can be. A second chance in a new time where you have limitless opportunity to do what you want, go where you want. You've chosen to stay here as much as the Mary Rose has kept you."

Jasper raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, "you really think so?" He drew in a deep breath and nodded, "I suppose that's possible but my one-hundred-year-old training isn't of much use now and I have a lot to catch up on still."

Dodian smiled, "I really do believe that. There has to be a reason things happen." she said, her eyes averting slightly. "Even though technically almost as old as me you are still a young man with a lot to offer those around him. I know the specifics, the technology have moved on the basics I am sure will be more or less the same. Medicine has come on leaps and bounds over the centuries but the basics of care are still the same. You could even specialize in something new, make a change."

"That is true," Jasper said letting a faint smile cross his face, "I love what I do so probably won't change." He chuckled and added, "but I better learn quickly before it changes on me again."

Dodian laughed softly as she noticed him finally relax enough to smile. "I have complete confidence in you to catch up in record time Mr Offermans. You seem quite happy to have reached this decision and I am glad you are wanting to learn again."

"Thanks," Jasper said letting a smile cross his face, "I guess that is mark on the positive side of the ledger."

"That's what I'm here for, to put markers in positive ledgers." She mused. Definitely a positive movement, he seemed to have a focus that he lacked when he arrived and she hoped she was right in that. "I'm always here if you ever need me, day or night." Dodian smiled.

"I'll remember that," Jasper stood and took in a deep breath, "and I'll probably be back."

"My door is always open." Dodian smiled rising from her seat.

OFF

Jasper Offerman
Operations
SS Mary Rose

Dodian Carli M.D. Psy.D
Counsellor
SS Mary Rose

 

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