To not caring about tomorrow

Posted on Fri Nov 6th, 2020 @ 7:16am by Dixoho Saa (*) & Laurier Cami

Mission: Mission 12 - Railway
Location: Deck 3 - Senior Officer Quarters
Timeline: MD02 10:00
1465 words - 2.9 OF Standard Post Measure

Dixoho led the way to her quarters as it was closer and let herself and her new buddy Cami into the room. It was a bigger room than what most got due to the fact two people had used to share it but Dixoho had never bothered to move, it was not like they needed the space with the 50 crew or so onboard but still some people did not like it even if she did spend half her life with charts and trying to plot a course needing the space.

“I used to share with Michael the former security officer…armoury person before he left.” Most people knew her story with the man who had left her his half-built shuttle but some did not.

Cami awkwardly nodded and tried to take in the room. It wasn't especially familiar and missed some of the comforts of her own personal space. "Prophets, this is really weird," she sighed. Absent mindedly she touched her ear, missing the familiarity of her earring that was no longer there. "So I guess we're roomies for a while, huh?"

“If that is what you want sure but I mean you can go to your own quarters or…” She knew it would look a big odd but the navigator could not judge the woman. It was just to weird to try and explain to anyone outside of it. “It is fine whatever you pick I just need to go through a few things about my body. I have been keeping a secret from the majority of the crew.”

"Secret?" Cami wondered. "What secret?"

"I am sick well actually I am dying," Dixoho admitted softly. "I was born really early on a Cargo ship and I have never recovered. My lungs are failing." She did not want to admit but the woman needed to know they were on a time limit and that Dixoho was not hiding anything from her.

"Dying. You're...I'm dying!?" Cami exclaimed, in complete shock.

Dixoho sighed softly indicating to the sofa thinking they both needed a hard drink. She poured large glasses and leant out offering it to the woman. “Yeah. Have been for a long time but it’s getting worse. The ship doe not have what I need onboard at the moment. So I am limited to options on what I can use to keep everything levelled.”

Cami took the drink but just stared at it. First the trauma of waking up as someone else; then realising that the someone else was slowly dying. Cami was young, too young to be contemplating her own mortality. "Should I even be drinking this?" she wondered aloud, indicating the glass in her hand. "Or will that just shorten your...my life expectancy or something?"

Dixoho felt terrible. This was scary and real to her and Cami now but she needed to make sure the woman knew that things were not normal. “No. Go for it.” Dixoho assured looking at her own glass. “Is this going to do anything for you?” She said wanting nothing more than to knock it back.

"It won't kill you, if that's what you mean," Cami snapped. She immediately regretted it, shamefully lowering her head and pushing a tear away from her eye. "Prophets. I'm sorry. That was...that wasn't fair."

"It was not fair but I do understand," Dixoho assured quickly watching herself. Was this how she looked sometimes? It was scary to watch herself cry like that. "We are going to fix all of this. I am no a scientist or medical but I do have faith in them."

"I suppose that's one thing we have in common," Cami said quietly. "The Prophets must have some sort of design in all of this. Something we don't see. Perhaps this is all just a test of faith, in the end."

Dixoho finally took a seat on the edge of her own couch and nodded. She had never been religious, Trills only believed in the symbionts and growing as a person, which neither had appealed to her at any point. "I like to believe that something out there has a design," She shrugged downing the glass of whiskey wishing she could just drink the bottle and pass out until it was all over.

Cami sighed again, staring at the glass in her still-shaking hand. Or rather, Dixoho's hand. This was still a lot to process even without that shadow hanging over it all. "Yes." She shifted awkwardly, trying to force herself to be more positive. "Hey, look on the bright side. We could've swapped with a guy. Imagine how weird that would have been, right?"

Dixoho smiled a little. That was a positive thought but it did not change how much the guilt was eating up the woman. She felt fantastic for the first time in forever, she could not get over just how fantastic it felt to not feel weak or tired all the time. "I guess that is a bright side." She mused. They most likely did have the best swapping partner. "I would not have minded a few of the boys." She teased with a grin.

"Like, ew..." Cami retorted with a little cringe. "They're all...you know. Dangly." She made a motion with her hand. "No way that's for me."

Dixoho found herself laughing so much it turned into a snort. She could not help but laugh at the use of the world dangly. “Not much experience in that department then?” She teased then. This has to be the first time it was ever just them talking.

Cami felt her cheeks - or rather Dixoho's - burning with a little embarassment. She'd never really associated with many people outside of the engineering crew. Jea knew her circumstances, of course she did. Precious few others would have any inclination. Their current circumstances, however, meant that new friendships might have to be born out of necessity. "I...no. Not really," she admitted softly. "Never, actually."

Dixoho looked at her own bright red cheeks against her spots and her eyes went wide as she realised what the woman meant. She let out a few calming breaths as she realised that she was most likely making the woman uncomfortable but she needed to ask. “You mean you are a… never? Not once with the dangly bits?” She stumbled through confused on just how anyone made it out in the universe alone. “I am sorry. I did not mean to pry or anything. I guess my upbringing was very different .” She mused wishing she could have another glass to settle both their nerves.

"Not with the dangly bits," Cami said quietly, a weak smile on her lips. That was something she'd not properly discussed with Jea, if she was honest. Even after all her talk about Burnie, too. "This is a lot to deal with. I'm not sure what else to say."

“You might find out you do not even like them,” Dixoho said with a shrug. She could have carried on teasing the woman but it seemed that it would be pointless for the woman to tease her. Virginity was regarded as a valuable commodity in some cultures on different worlds. In the past, within most societies across the Federation, a woman's options for marriage were largely dependent upon her status as a virgin maybe it was the same with Bajoran’s. She shrugged her questions away and looked at the bottle rising to her feet again to retrieve it. “We could just get drunk?”

"I guess it can't make things worse, right?" Cami replied, a reluctant smile on her face as she examined the glass in her hand then knocked it back.

Dixoho saw her reluctance and felt guilty. She was so much more world-worn and experienced and needed to remember this woman was no. She looked at the wall while, thinking of something further to say, a casual tidbit or light-hearted snippet. “You know you do not need to and if your body is not used to it just tell me as I would hate for it to be damaged or hungover when you get it back,” Dixoho commented on trying to be bright. She was in no doubt that anyone prophets, gods or Q’s would allow someone to have her death.

"I wouldn't worry - It's been hungover more times than I can remember," Cami replied. Strange how alcohol tasted different on Dixoho's lips and taste buds. More bitter than she expected. She lifted the refilled glass. "To not caring about tomorrow?" she suggested.

It was the only way to be. How else could they survive this sudden shift in life? "Or today," Dixoho suggested chinking her glass against the other woman's before she downed what was there.