Bone To Pick With You

Posted on Sun Jun 9th, 2019 @ 8:24pm by Commander Alexis Agrax (*) & Chief Petty Officer Nathan Kline

Mission: Mission 9 - Daucina
Location: USS Cosmos
Timeline: MD 01 20:00
3303 words - 6.6 OF Standard Post Measure

Nathan had finished his assignment and his mission, but his mind had been churning over one thing. Alexis. He had not seen her prior to his excursion. He was giving her space and she hadn’t sought him out either. However, they were due for a discussion as to why she had put him in this position. The thoughts kept brewing as he exited his quarters after a hasty shower and made his way to her quarters. Being a senior specialist afforded him single quarters but they were still quite a hike from the senior officers quarters. He didn’t need to knock. She hadn’t changed the permissions on her quarters and he was soon standing in her living room without a word.

Alexis looked up from the book she was reading and raised an eyebrow at the man just appearing in her quarters. She hadn’t changed from being on the planet apart from to chuck a wrap around her bare shoulders. “Um… Hi?” The woman greeted.

Nathan simply looked at her. By all things holy she was beautiful. Beautiful and lethal and fragile. He shook his head before taking a few more steps closer to her. “I have a bone to pick with you.” He started before he looked at her with a sigh. “Why?”

“Why what?” The woman asked closing her book unsure what she could have done to make him what to have a bone with her. She wasn’t exactly being her usual wild behaviour at the moment, she was being quite calm and reflective.

“I appreciate you holding me in such high regard, Lex.” He started purposely vague as he moved toward the couch and plopped down. “I just got back from the SS Mary Rose.” He simply stated looking at her hoping she would make the connection.

“Ah.” The woman stood up from where she had been sat in the window and nodded. Now it was all making sense. “Well, I do hold you in high regard.” The woman started pulling on a floaty top over her strap top.

“Not enough regard to not ask me to do that.” He replied allowing more of the hurt out than he had intended. “I am good at lying. It is as easy as breathing. The key to that is to believe what you are saying. Imagine it being true.” He looked down at his hands. “I hate lying.” He wasn’t speaking in any way that would make sense to an outsider but it just kept tumbling out.

“I asked you because two of my best friends are on that ship and they won’t talk to me,” Alexis said quietly. “I can’t get any news and neither can the Captain. Starfleet just wanted to know they are okay and I want to know that Gregnol and Jessaho are safe and happy.” Alexis told him with a frown. “I know you hate lying but I also know how brilliant you are at sensors.” Alexis stayed stood up. She could feel his hurt.

“You didn’t ask,” Nathan said finally looking up at her. “You told the Captain that I could do it and had her ask me.” He shook his head. “Did you think I wouldn’t understand what it is like to have someone you care about to cut you off? Not knowing how they are doing? Finding out about their activities and trysts through word of mouth?” He wasn’t being judgemental, simply implying that he was in the exact same situation.
“I couldn’t ask you to do it. You are not in my line of command.” Alexis said before the rest of his words sunk in. “I get I’ve treated you like crap Nathan.” The woman said turning away she thought he had gotten past what had happened at the end Cassiopeia. He obviously had seen about her and Neil in the media as well as she had heard a crewman whispering about it.

“You haven’t treated me like crap, Lexie,” Nathan said with a laugh. “You haven’t treated me like anything.” That right there was the problem. “The worst part of all of this?” He stood up and moved to stand behind her. His hand brushing along her arm softly. “I don’t understand how we got here.” He said softly. He didn’t care who she was sleeping with, drinking with, or fighting with. He simply hated how distant she was from him. He couldn’t let her go because she wouldn’t let him, but she didn’t ask him to stay. “Maybe I should go,” he whispered.

Alexis turned around. “Maybe you should. Maybe you should just let me ass get my commission taken from me. Anyone else would have after I’ve treated them so badly. Maybe it is the only way you can move on.” Alexis knew she was a wreck and that her life wasn’t exactly how she had planned it at all. She had thought kids and a loving spouse, instead she got her kicks anyway she could.

“You know what, Alexis,” Nathan said as he moved away from her slightly. “Screw you.” He turned to walk around the couch. “If you want to wallow in self-pity and push me away then why should I stop you?” The anger was welling up in him. “I love you, Lexie. With everything I have. Even though you don’t want me too.” Laughter escaped him as opposed to the sadness he wanted to feel. He was a random spectrum of emotions in this current moment, but couldn’t make himself walk out the door. “The irony of this whole situation is that you are going to convince yourself that you are protecting me from getting hurt and the only way you can hurt me, is this.” He paused. “You stand there looking at me, I can see you are hurting. I can almost feel what you feel for me, but you think are too broken. Unworthy, and I can’t change that. Only you can.”

Alexis wasn’t shocked by his emotions anymore, she was one of the few people to cause him anger and it only made her hate herself even more. “I am too broken. You aren’t an angry man yet I bring that out in you. I am not good for you anymore.” Alexis said turning away. She didn’t want to watch him leave or know that she was causing one of the few people she actually loved in the universe pain.

Nathan knew he was standing at a crossroads in that moment. If he went left and walked out that door his heart would break for the final time, he would be free of the Betazoid he loved, and he could finally move on. If he went right he would have to continue to fight a fight he wasn’t sure she wanted him too. Both options were painful. He let out a sigh. “You and Sarah.” Was all he said with a shake of his head as he made no movement in either direction.

“You deserve to be with someone who makes you smile. Who doesn’t sleep with other men or women because they are lonely or whatever it is I feel at that moment.” Alexis turned back and looked at him. She shrugged, wiping at the angry tears that were threatening to make speech impossible. “This is me. And I don’t think I can change because I don’t even know what is wrong with me.”

Nathan had to admit. It was nice to see some other emotions pass over the betazoid besides pity. Typically the pity was aimed at him and made him feel like an idiot for not leaving, but he had fought through it. And it was at that moment that his crossroads decision was made. “For starters, you are an idiot and for that alone, I should walk out this door.” He turned and took a step towards her. “Secondly, you don’t get to decide what I deserve and what I don’t. We have had this discussion before.” He crossed a few more steps. “Thirdly, I don’t give a rats ass who you have slept with or who you sleep with in the future. I always want you to do what makes you happy or what you need.” He stopped right in front of her. Reaching out he gently touched her face. “Lastly, I don’t want you to change. I will love whomever you are. I just want you to let me.”

“Nathan I don’t know what I want or need. I just don’t know I just keep sleeping around because it makes me feel something other than pity or self-loathing. I think me and Neil… and I know you know.” Alexis jumped at the touch on her face but relaxed into it. “We are the same… feel the same confusion and it works. I can’t see that happening again but I don’t know what is wrong with me. This isn’t normal.” The woman realised rubbing at her face.

“Tell me right now, Alexis,” Nathan said hooking her chin with his finger and forcing her to look at him. “You tell me right now, that you don’t want me and that you don’t love me. I will leave. I will be out of your life and you can do whatever.” He released her chin and took a step back. “I know you are a mess, anyone would be with what you have gone through the last few years.” He shook his head. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I never asked that. But,” He paused as he felt overwhelmed. He was on the verge of having his decision made for him. “I know about you and Harrington. I wasn’t surprised when I found out about it. It isn’t like he is new in your life. Even if he was.” His tone was full of understanding and affection and heartbreak. “It isn’t like I have been chastely waiting for you the last few months.” He laughed. “It doesn’t matter.”

Alexis looked away forcing her chin away from him. “You know I can’t. And I hate that I can’t lie to you and send you away. Sounds so selfish.” The woman realised quietly as she stepped back bumping into the window feeling its coolness against her hand.

“And what exactly do you call me standing here?” Nathan asked. “I have been fighting a one-sided battle for the last six months. I am the only one fighting for what we have despite you constantly making it clear you don’t want me or us.” His tone grew louder. “I am standing here making you feel like, crap, all because I selfishly want you in my life. I selfishly want to make you smile and make you happy, and I selfishly want our children to have your dark brown eyes and frustrating spirit. I selfishly want to be with you. So here I am, the selfish asshole.” His final statement was emphasized by him spreading his arms in a flourish.

“You are the most unselfish man I know,” Alexis said simply wishing he was close enough to put her hand over his mouth so she could just stop him talking and for her neighbours to not send security at raised voices. She didn’t want to move from being pressed against the window. “Nathan…I can’t have children.” Would that change his mind? It had been something going around and around her head since Cassiopeia and how that had ended. She should have mentioned it before this point. Maybe she had been saving it to put him off.

Nathan watched her for a moment. Going over everything she said, which as usual was only just enough. He moved with a speed and determination and pulled her to him. He kissed her, it wasn’t hard or punishing as she might have expected but loving and emotional. “Damnit women, then we will adopt,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers. He couldn’t help the smile on his lips. She had missed his entire point and only focused on the negative. It was so typical of her.

“You are going to make me cry more,” Alexis whispered back as she caught on how negative her thoughts were and how she missed most of what he said in an attempt to push him away still. “I want you in my life by I feel like I don’t deserve it, Nathan. I feel like you would be better somewhere else without me.” It was so hard to feel like that when she wanted to feel like she did on Cassiopeia before Liam reappeared. She had been well and ready to move on.

Nathan’s breath was still coming quickly. He had wanted to kiss her for what felt like centuries and just like the first time it was overwhelming. “I have been without you, Lexie.” He started his voice in a whisper. “I spent five years with the heartbreak of never telling you how I felt. I spent five years learning how to be content with a life you weren’t in.” He placed a kiss on her forehead before stepping back slightly to let her breathe. “From experience, I can tell you it isn’t better.”

Alexis shook her head knowing he spoke the truth, knowing he spoke from his soul and it was what she needed and wanted to hear. She wanted this man to just take control and tell her everything was okay and he was going to show her that every day. Maybe that he what she needed, maybe that was why she was getting better. “Five years is a long time. I loved how I felt back on Cassi. I thought I was getting better.” She mused running a hand through her still shocking blue hair.

“Babe,” Nathan said softly pulling her to him and away from the window. He wrapped his arms around her and simply held her for a moment. “I am here for you.” He said simply when he did start speaking. “I love you and as I am sure you have figured out, I am going to keep loving you.” He moved back a little so he could look at her. “Whatever you feel, it is going to be ok. I promise. I am here. I will be here no matter what, just stop pushing me away.” He said, his usual kindness returning to his eyes.

“I need to show you something. Something that might show you just how I feel about you when words fail me like now. If you were telepathic it would be easy you would just know.” The Woman said pulling away from the hug. She wanted to just rest there for a little bit longer, just relax and be for a moment but she wanted to show him what she had been thinking on Cassiopeia. She tugged him to where there was a station set up so she could bring work home. “Computer play Agrax-delta-2136.” Alexis instructed wanting as the video she had created six months ago play explaining how she felt in that moment before everything had changed and how she wanted to marry him.

Nathan could feel her eyes on him. Watching him and reading him as the video played. It took all his will power to keep his breathing even as he listened. He closed his eyes. It was everything he had known and had been fighting for. When the video ended he pulled her to him and kissed her. “If you were any other women I would ask why you didn’t tell me, but I knew and I know you.” He smiled. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Lex. I have since I met you.”

“If only time travel was possible.” The woman breathed as she was finally freed from the kiss. “I can’t promise you what I promised you in that video. I am still trying to come back but I want to promise there with me no one else.” She has to make that promise to him. He needed to know that she was at least trying to be who she used to me.

“I appreciate that,” Nathan said. “I appreciate all of it.” He sighed. “I am with you babe, whatever you need. No judgement here.” He just wanted to reassure her and make her know that he meant it. He looked at her. “I need you to promise one more thing. That you will cut yourself some slack and be patient with yourself because we both know, I will be.”

“I will try.” Alexis took in a few deep breaths trying to order her thoughts. “Is this what a relationship is meant to be like after you reach rock bottom?” She asked slowly pulling away from him.

Nathan watched her move. He wanted so badly to make her see the bright side and have faith that it would get better but he knew that was the farthest thing from what she needed. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “I think, you, we just need to take it one day at a time and see what happens, babe.”

Alexis nodded. That sounded like exactly what she needed to do but could she really do that. “I think you are right.” The woman whispered as she turned and looked at the planet that was below her in the window. “What is it like down there?” She wondered.

Nathan slowly stood up and moved to stand behind her easily looking through the window. He could feel her but didn’t make a move to touch her, not yet. “Beautiful,” He whispered not wanting to startle her. “I met some interesting people.” He finally placed his hands on her upper arms softly. “You should go see it.”

“I have to go to the Seabase there.” It was the only thing she had, had planned this whole shore leave other than her officer in charge duty that she had already done that day.

“Should I go?” He asked softly as he wrapped his arms around her. He could tell that she was caught up in her thoughts and he didn’t want to be in her way.

“No. I’m okay. Did you want to stay?” She wondered relaxing back into him. It was hard trying to work out what she wanted right then and there. Maybe she should go through some of the data that the man had come back?

“I always want to stay,” Nathan said softly enjoying the moment and even enjoying the silence they easily fell into. “I want you to do what you need for you, babe.” He placed a kiss on her temple and simply held her.

“I need to go through some stuff. Why don’t you go to sleep? I won’t be long.” The woman said softly savouring the small kiss on her temple. It was calming and almost chaste but it made her feel special.

Nathan had to curtail his need to offer to help, he knew she didn’t want it or need it. He didn’t say anything he simply nodded. Placed another kiss on the top of her head and headed for the bedroom. Stopping at the door he watched her for a moment before continuing inside.

OFF::

Chief Petty Officer Nathan Kline
Sensor Specialist
USS Cosmos
(PNPC Tasha Belikov)

Commander Alexis Agrax
Chief Of Security
USS Cosmos
(PNPC Gregnol)