Home is where the heart is

Posted on Sun Mar 14th, 2021 @ 6:56pm by Nollel Livaam (*) & Chief Engineer Michael Burnstein

Mission: Mission 12 - Railway
Location: Hydroponic
Timeline: MD04 22:00
Tags: Challenge 100
2559 words - 5.1 OF Standard Post Measure

The Cocculus Auricoma was a very rare, small plant that could only be found mostly on Ardana. It had narrow, diamond-shaped leaves, which were usually dark red but the one in front of Nollel was bright red. It was obviously still young compared to the other things growing in the hydroponic bay. She was surprised it was there as the plant grew in decent numbers, but it was fairly hard to control and maintain the growth once it was established. The woman didn’t look up as the door to the hydroponics bay opened, it was not like she could see it down the rows of plants.

“Avalon are these those plants that can be used as an energizer when eaten? The ones you were telling me about last week. I finally thought to come down to look...” She called thinking it would only be her as the rest of the crew were busy settling down for the night.

The blonde was sure that these were the plants that once pollinated, they grew into fairly large, delicious nuts that could be used at a pick me up for her species but she had never been a horticulturist or paid attention before but something unique for species might give her the pick me up she needed. “Avalon?” She wondered.

"No, just me." His tone was soft, tentative and carried more than a little uncertainty. Burnie had wished for days, though it felt like months now, to be back in his body and able to talk to Nollel and tell her everything. Yet once he finally could it was all he could do to go through the hydroponic bay doors to find her. In fact, he'd lingered on entering, keeping back behind the cover of leaves before forcing himself to go forward. The last time they'd spoken she'd been angry because he hadn't told her about parts of his past, and now he hadn't told her about being body-swapped, so he didn't have high hopes for making up. But that was no excuse for being a coward; he owed her an apology at least. If she would take it.

Nollel gulped as the man appeared from behind the leaves and finally spoke up. She had not expected it to be him at all. They had not spoken in days and it had been so much more complicated than she had thought now that she knew the truth. She knew in the instance it was him, something about the tone confirmed that whatever had been affecting people had been undone. “Just you huh? Are you back to yourself now?” She wondered thinking on the letter that he had left her that morning. It had been full of remorse and explanations which she had been annoyed but now looking at him she just felt annoyed at herself.

Sensing she was annoyed, he ducked his head. He couldn't blame her.

"Yeah, me. In the flesh, finally," he joked weakly. "I can't say I understand exactly what happened, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I wish I could have told you... though, honestly, I'm not sure how that wouldn't have sounded ...crazy... which is why the Captain decided we shouldn't tell anyone, I guess..." his lips curled in; for all the times he thought about what to say, now that he was actually saying something he was flailing, "Anyway, sorry. I didn't want to have to lie, so I avoided you as much as I could - which I know, isn't really better, but it's all I could do." He offered an apologetic smile. "I guess I'm still Starfleet enough that I can't just disregard an order for personal reasons."

Michael was too much of a Starfleet Officer to disregard an order but Gregnol was still too much of a Starfleet Captain for requesting that off everyone who had been involved. She could not blame anyone if she was honest, the blame was with no one when it had been nothing more than an accident. She had overheard on her way down mostly what had happened and most people despite feeling a little put out that they had spent the last three days worrying about people or thinking the worse with personality changes had agreed on that. She slowly moved closer until she could hug him to her burying her face into his shoulder. "I'm so annoyed at myself for not being approachable and there that morning it happened." She whispered.

For a moment Burnie was stunned, very pleasantly stunned, but stunned. He'd been braced for anger, hurt, possibly tears; not a hug. But it took only a couple heartbeats for him to respond by wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close as he felt the tension drain out of his body with relief - and it felt even better that it was his own body! "Hey, it was as much my fault," he said, leaning down to kiss the top her head softly. "And, maybe it was for the best... I'm not sure how Cassie would have taken waking up next to you. I mean, not as badly as Liha waking up with Eden, I'm sure, but still..." he chuckled - now that it looked like things might work out he could see the humor in it all. " ...awkward, eh?"

Nollel slowly pulled back after a few long moments of just savouring the moment and looked up at him, taking in everything that made him the man she loved. She slowly caressed his cheek for a moment feeling the stubble under her fingertips before she smiled at the mere thought of Liha waking up with Eden. It was amusing, she was surprised who had been in Eden’s body had survived.

“Just a little awkward but I would not have minded. I would not have felt so… I thought you and Cassie were a thing.” She admitted softly looking everywhere but at him. She was embarrassed to admit it.

"A thing?" The idea took Burnie so off guard he laughed. Maybe it shouldn't have though, and in the next moment he realized how the situation might have looked - he didn't have any particularly clear memory of that night before everything wen pear-shaped, but Cassie had probably all but carried him out of the lounge. "No, not all. She's my friend, my married friend. I was upset. I thought I'd lost you, and I ...drank a lot more than I should have. I once kept Cassie from blowing up a lab when she got angry-drunk, so I guess she figured she owed me one."

Nollel nodded not at all surprised by his reaction. He normally joked or smiled but she had not thought he would laugh at that but it did prove how foolish her thoughts had been. She shrugged embarrassed that she thought that but it was hard to ignore it all when they had spent so much time together.

“Yes a thing.” She shrugged and stepped back, knocking into one of the plant containers with a thud. She looked down at her heels before back at him. “I get it now but then not so much. I can not imagine Cassie drunk like that.” She admitted.

"Careful," he said, stepping forward to put an arm around her for support - after all he'd recently learned how hard it was to balance in even low heels. "And I know she seems all Vulcan collected most of the time, but other than a quick introduction when I first came aboard, the first time I really talked to her was when she was drunk - drunk and trying to blow stuff up, obviously so we hit it off," he grinned a little, then shook his head, "...but not in any romantic sense. I guess I can see why it might have looked like there was something there since we had to stick close to cover for each other. Also because I'm pretty hopeless at fashion, hair and make-up," he joked, waving a hand at his own unruly hair. "She had to provide a lot of direction so people wouldn't think she'd turned into a complete slob."

“Thank you.” Nollel accepted the help and stepped closer again putting an arm around him playing with the hair at his neck. “I have always liked your hair.” She assured him quietly, trying to think on what to say. “I know now I just did not know for the last few days and us leaving things how we did. Everything makes sense from that breakfast to talking to Cassie in the Rec room but for a few days I did not know that…” The small blonde looked embarrassed and out of her depth. It was hard to explain that she always felt inadequate and the last few days had proved it all correct.

"I'm am astounded to find one person in this galaxy who likes my mad scientist look," Burnie said, giving her a fond smile. "Though the fact that someone like you likes anything about me remains a profound, if wonderful, mystery. It was so hard not to give it all away, or just plain fall apart, when I was talking to you as Cassie." He looked down a moment - it was always difficult to know how much to say, risk coming across as too weak or needy versus wind up being an idiot for keeping fears and doubts to himself. "The reason I went and got drunk the night before all this was that I thought I'd blown it and lost you."

“You would not have lost me. I just needed time to think things through. Knowing that you have this big hole in your heart that I might never be able to fill is… daunting and scary for me. I have never been in a relationship. The closest I have ever been to a decent man is my force upon fiancé and you know how that went. “ Nollel looked at him unsure. What did he mean someone like her? She was no different than anyone onboard? In fact, she was looked down on because she had attempted to four years ago blow them up in an attempt to escape a marriage that she did not want or believe in. “What do you mean someone like me?” She asked softly.

He cupped her cheek. "Nollel, you fill so much that's empty in me. But I don't expect you to fill that hole; I don't want you to - or anyone to," he added quickly, brows drawing together, trying to think of how to say it without it all coming out wrong, "...I'm an engineer; I'm not good with words, but my grandmother once told me that when you lose someone they live on in that hole that doesn’t seal back up. It doesn't stay raw and gaping forever, but if you loved them, there's always a hole that marks their absence." He glanced down a moment, then met her eyes. "So I'm not looking to have that filled. I'm only afraid of staking out space for another one, because... you're talented and kind and brave and beautiful and... it's so hard to believe you haven't been relationships before because you could have your pick of anyone."

The blonde raised an eyebrow at what he said that he did not want it to be filled but as he carried on speaking she understood what he meant. Despite being a universal part of life, death, especially that of someone you love, had never affected Nollel. Her grief had been being exile and expelled from her family, it was different she could see that just by looking at the man. “People do not like when the Bride attempts to blow up the wedding. Puts many men off any type of relationship with someone once they know so I could be saying the same thing to you.” She explained trying to not look to embarrassed but the blush was easy to see on her pale skin.

It was amazing to him that anyone would be put off by a woman with that kind of determination to make her own choices rather than being used as a political game piece. Plus, he couldn't help but appreciate her choice of how to make a statement. "Honestly? Hearing about that is what made me want to meet you," Burnie chuckled, glancing down and then back up with a sly gleam in his eye. "I don't know what's wrong with Ardanian guys, because I'd have expected a half dozen men to volunteer to help you set charges in hopes of having a shot with you. I know I would have."

“Ardanian guys? No just Stratos guys. They are all about the arts and women being delicate even now. I believe I do not have proof why I was used as the political pawn as I would appeal to the Troglytes.” Nollel laughed a little as she leaned her head against shoulder before brokeing into more laughter. “You really have a unique opinion on your women. I guess it is what makes us work sometimes.” She surmised stepping closer wrapping her arms around his neck now that she was sensing they were okay and that the last few days were in the past.

"Remind me to tell my unmarried cousins to scratch Stratos off their list for finding a beau," he laughed, wrapping his arms around her. "Because I think I have perfectly normal opinions where women are concerned - at least for where I'm from. I hope I can take you there someday - New York is amazing. We love art and appreciate talent, but delicate... Nah, that's right off the menu as far as attractive goes. Now a woman who's resourceful, a touch of moxy...," he pulled her closer, smiling down at her, "I don't know what about me could possibly work for you, but you absolutely work for me."

“I would love to see Earth. I had heard so much about it from you and Gregnol when he is in the mood for talking.” It was not often but he did talk deeply when he did. “I want to see a place called Lon-don. Gregnol said it’s the best place as it has a bit of everything but I know you will disagree with New York.” The woman nodded for a moment and settled herself against him. She’d miss this so much it had been an awful three days. She stayed quiet listening to his heart underneath a cheek, it was steady just like the machines he loved so much.

"The Captain and I just have to disagree there," Burnie chuckled. It was strange that someone with that Russian accent loved London so, but then at least one branch of his family had the surname London because they'd left Russia and come to the US after staying in London long enough to earn passage. Still, he'd seen London, and it didn't hold a candle to New York City. "London is pretty and it does a bit of everything, but New York has a LOT of everything..." he enthused, arm wrapped around her, enjoying the feel of her warm against his side. For all his love of his city, at this moment this had a feel like home.