Honesty

Posted on Sat May 7th, 2022 @ 3:13pm by Ka'see 'Cassie' Anderson (*) & Executive Officer Jake Ford

Mission: Mission 15: Adrift
Location: Chapel
Timeline: MD02 14:30
2407 words - 4.8 OF Standard Post Measure

Cassie knew she had missed lunch when first Leiddem came looking for her when she had not checked in for roll call but it was not until Jeassaho came looking that she realised just how long she had been playing with the circuitry in the chapel. She had assured the Betazoid that she would be there for just an hour more but that hour had slipped away and yet again it was closer to dinner without her realising. But she stood back and looked at the lighting and space that had been created by her hard work and grabbing of a couple of security personnel who looked bored proudly. She was impressed how easy it would be to have some privacy now especially as there was a small office at the back that was her job tomorrow but it was something. She could at least see now.

"Looking good," Jake announced from the doorway, surprising her with his stealthy arrival. He offered a grin and two plates of food as he entered more fully. "Jea let slip you were still in here. I assumed you weren't meditating, so decided I would bring dinner."

Cassie turned at the voice and smiled a little. She had not heard him but she was not surprised at all with how tired she was and how busy she had been. “Jeassaho I am sure did not let it slip but told everyone and anyone that I was still here.” The captain’s wife was tactful in everything she did. She knew what was what or worse who was what but kept it to herself unless it was needed “But thank you. I did not think anyone would still be cooking or anything so I gave up on considering dinner hours ago.” She admitted stepping down from the bench to take one of the plates from him.

"I did ask them to save you a plate," he admitted, sitting on the floor in the middle of the room.

Cassie offered a smile at the kindness of the suggestion. "How is it out there?" She wondered using the spoon to eat some of the warm rice. It was delicious in the fact it was the first thing she had eaten since that morning, it could have been over cooked for all she cared right then and there.

"Holding it together," he said. "We're doing our best. I'm doing my best...I just wasn't expecting all of this to come along while the Captain was away." He swallowed a mouthful for himself. "The crisis, I mean. I wasn't expecting to be in Command. But I wasn't expecting this either," he added, motioning to the two of them.

“Of course you are doing you best. Do not ever doubt that about yourself.” She said firmly as she finally decided to sit with him instead of standing awkwardly as watched him. “Neither did I.” She admitted. She was pretty sure that she would never have a moment with anyone else ever again that did not feel her with some type of guilt or disgust.

He sighed, trying to change the subject to feel a little lighter. "Weird first date, huh? I brought you dinner, we got the mood lighting...real romantic. I couldn't find flowers, unfortunately."

“Never been one for flowers.” She countered with a smile back as she she tried to help him lightening the mood. He was obviously in desperate need of it from the look of it. “They seem pointless when they wilt and die.” It had never made sense to her. Bring her a rock or crystal any day if the week.

He nodded silently at her reply. Maybe flowers were not so romantic, then. "You really did do a good job with this place. I know the doctor wanted somewhere a little more private to set up with the injured. This could probably work well now that we have working lights." He was making polite conversation now. Talking about 'work' things. It was the only thing he could think to talk about.

“Thank you. It works. I would like to make sure the lighting is on different circuits just in case but they have a space.” Cassie said looking around. “You know in 2346 science did more engineering work and I enjoyed it as genetic studies were not always needed.”

"I didn't realise you specialised in genetics," he replied, interested. "Any particular part of that you enjoyed more than others?"

“Did you not? I am alive because of my parents genetic studies and I guess due to that uniqueness I developed a love. I joined Starfleet to continue their work I guess and allow other parents of different worlds create life but I guess it moved on to different studies as I was never able to live up to them but I did love looking at genetic illnesses and trying to assist there..” Cassie said with a shrug as he looked at her interested.

He thought about that for a minute. Everything he had been going through psychologically had taken a toll on him the last few days - in fact, subtly, the last few months. The bleeding effect of the swap with Liha had definitely shown through on more than one occasion. Perhaps, he wondered, Cassie would understand a little more about that.

"You mind if I share something with you?" he asked softly. "It's a difficult thing to bring up. And part of why Eden..." Left. He wouldn't say it out loud. "Do you remember when we had that crazy body-swapping experience a few months ago?"

Cassie nodded moving to sit more comfortably to listen. Well this was going great? She thought to herself thinking this was going to be a ‘it was nice but no thank you going forwards ’ especially as Eden had been brought up. “Of course I remember I was Michael and nearly wrecked his relationship with Nollel.” She said lightly.

"I thought it was all over and fixed, but...well, I've been having flashes. Emotional disconnections, strange anxiety, speaking in a language I never learned." He felt his brow furrow with seriousness, much as he didn't want it to. "Oliver thinks that there was some sort of residual subconscious effect on my brain from Liha's Romulan psychology. It's hard to explain exactly, but...I don't know, it's like the whole thing changed me - literally changed me - and I can't quite figure it all out." It was a heavy subject to explain, and certainly not something he'd discussed openly with more than a couple of people. Most people would think he was crazy for saying it. But he couldn't deny the last few days had really started to expose it.

Cassie listened patiently and lent out putting a hand on his knee when he looked distressed. “It is possible. Have you checked it properly with someone who isn’t Oliver?” She wondered not having heard of anything like it before but it was not past the realms of possibilities. Romulans and Humans were so different that there could be something left over from his brains attempt to process it all.

"Kaleahaeia. She seemed to be quite accepting of it. She explained about some of the Romulan tendencies for being very emotional and chaotic," he answered. Realistically, she had been his only confidante since Eden had left.

“I can check you over with my science brain and the left over equipment but apart from that how can I help?” She wondered bringing her hand back to her own lap.

"I just...I don't know. You seem to have a mix of heritage. And you understand the genetics of how those things interact, at least on a biological level." He shrugged, knowing she might not be able to help medically in the current situation. "It's more that I can feel things slipping a little, you know? Like the stress of all of this has made it worse."

“That has to be really hard.” She soothed wishing she could have had this type of conversation with someone before when they had issues. Could she share her own fears with him?

"It...is." He breathed out, almost as though he'd been holding it in. "I'm trying to be the leader, the strong one, for everyone else at the moment. I just...all these chaotic thoughts and feelings keep bubbling up, you know?"

“I do know.” She replied simply. “But you are doing fantastic and you are not alone.”

He took hold of her hand and squeezed. "It's actually a bit of a relief to talk about it with someone who understands. Or at least isn't freaking out that I might slowly be turning into an angry Romulan woman..."

“I like Liha. She has been good to me.” Cassie said with a shrug before she moved closer and folded him into her arms. There was nothing more about it than a hug and wanting to offer comfort to someone who needed that basic human connection after what she might have thought was a hard few months.

Not so much to me, he thought silently. That was a conversation that was probably overdue. They'd not really talked at all in a long time due to the spikes of animosity that remained. "Well, this turned into a thing, didn't it?" he sniffed, holding on to her for a minute. "Here I was, coming to check on you, and I ended up a bit of a mess."

Cassie did not let go apart from to move so that her knees did not ache against the steel floor. “Always seems to be a thing between us last couple of days.” She said lightly. “Pressure has to be released eventually Jake. You cannot just live like that.” She murmured before she realised that she was relieved that her face was hidden in his shoulder.

"I know. Under normal circumstances it would be okay, but with all this, not so much."

“I am not so put together.” She promised quickly. “I threw all my dead husband's items of clothing into the corridor like I have wanted to for two years.” She joked before pulling back finally to offer an embarrassed smile.

"Oh. Huh - I guess I forgot about all of that. You've been keeping to yourself a lot recently. Is it because of all of that?" he asked.

Cassie's smile dropped and nodded. It was easy to forget as most of the crew did not know him when he had been onboard fully with duties. "Yeah..." She looked away and instantly felt herself closing in on herself, physically and mentally.

"You know that now's as good a time as any to start repairing things and making new friendships." He locked his fingers with hers, showing her how easy it was. "We're all having a hard time. Connecting is good."

"I know, it is just complicated," Cassie admitted as she stared at his fingers and how easy it seemed for him to just do that. The Vulcan side of her was telling her just to suck it up and lock it all away. "So complicated..." She whispered almost as if it was to herself.

"Is it, though?" he asked, still holding onto her hand.

"Aye... it is complicated. You never really knew Johnathen other than the man who followed Robertson around like a lapdog." Cassie said annoyed about it all. "Well, when he came back this time it was just to complicated I can't live like that. He left twice and..." Her words faltered and she shook her head. This was turning into a pretty shocking first date.

"Hey..." Jake shook the hand he was holding. "It's okay. Dealing with loss is hard. It's normal to feel grief."

"I feel relief that he is gone," Cassie admitted. "The days before his death he was trying to force me to return our relationship to something intimate and I was not comfortable with it but he kept on trying to guilt me. Even in his final seconds before you guys found me. He tried..." Cassie fell silent as saw Jeassaho and Cami wander in deep in conversation about fixing something and both groups got a surprise.

"Oh hello," Jeassaho said surprised to see the pair there. She read the room quickly as she saw how close they were sat and the fact it looked like they were holding hands despite Cassie's subtle moving her hand. "We came to see what assistance we could be." She admitted having been bothered by Cassie not stopping.

"I brought some thirty-year-old spirits we found in an old storage locker," Cami said, raising a small rack of bottles in one hand. She also spotted the quick withdrawal. Her eyes narrowed, and she exchanged a look with Jea. "We can...come back if we're interrupting something?"

"No, no..." Jake picked himself up off the floor, dusting his clothing off. "We were just finishing some food. I should check in with Nollel on the supplies situation anyway." He cast an apologetic look back at Cassie. "Thanks for the...talk..."

Cassie did not say anything just nodded at the man quickly. "I'll sort the dishes and stuff when I come to dinner.” She knew dinner would be later as she had just eaten.

"Ladies." He nodded at both Jea and Cami, feeling horribly awkward as he manoeuvred past them and to the freedom the corridor beyond held.

After a silent pause as they waited for him to retreat, Cami immediately bounded forward to Cassie's side. "Sooooo! That's new, isn't it? How long has this been going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Cassie commented looking down at her plate picking at the rice as Jeassaho shook her head at Cami quickly.

"Well, I think there should be," Jeassaho said with a grin as she plopped herself down onto the floor.

"Come on, he's kinda cute, you know..." Cami added, positioning herself on the other side and offering one of their discovered bottles.

Cassie didn’t say anything just took the bottle and had a swig it was five pm somewhere and she had been working hard all day. She was fully aware he was kinda cute but she was more concerned by the awkwardness. “It’ll be alright Cassie. Plus we have booze and no one has stoped since yesterday.” Jeassaho said as if reading her thoughts.

Would it though??