Echoes Of Painful Memories

Posted on Fri Sep 1st, 2023 @ 4:39pm by Jeassaho Kea (*) & Dr. Izriel "Jaxx" Lonn

Mission: Fractures
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: 2nd February 18:00
2685 words - 5.4 OF Standard Post Measure

Jeassaho wandered into the sickbay and grinned as she saw who was in the office. She knew he would be a professional about the questions she needed to ask him but it was also a bit awkward when you had been intimate even over a decade ago with your doctor. She glanced around sickbay relieved that it was empty of Burnie and anyone else who had been caught up in the trouble that had come and gone from the grotto quicker than it had started.

“I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're going to hurt some people.” She declared from the doorway quoting an old movie that they had used to watch once upon a time.

From behind the desk, which he honestly rarely sat at because Reynold's organisational standards were intimidating even to him, Izriel glanced up, both unperturbed and mildly amused. "And suddenly it was as if no time had passed at all." If there had been a time when Jeassaho hadn't been cryptic about her latest brainwave then he didn't remember it. Continuing to scroll through his current case work, Jaxx asked, "How many years will I get if we're caught?"

Jeassaho offered a grin as he did not look at all bothered by her words. It was like they were teenagers again and she was about to get him in some big trouble with them breaking curfew. “None. I am being dramatic, Izriel, but I do need your medical assistance.” She admitted leaning against the door.

"Dramatic? You? Perish the thought." With a final glance up, and an understanding without any of the psionic background insistence, that she expected his full attention, he heaved an overstated sigh and set his padd aside. "What mischief are you proposing today?"

“You would not like me if I was not dramatic.” Jeassaho glanced back into sickbay to confirm that no one else was around and stepped into office more. “I’ve been in the grotto and I just want to get myself checked over.” She said quietly. “I had a weird feeling in there and I just… can you just give me a check over please.”

As was entirely predictable, the mere mention of the location was enough to send Izriel's expression immediately sober. Concern, palpable through the deep furrow of his brow, carried through to the main examination area as he rose from his seat and gestured for her to sit up on one of the new beds. "I am going to have to give this crew a crash course in how to describe symptoms," he declared, picking up one of the medical tricorders. "It's very hard to quantify a weird feeling." Holding out the scanner wand, he bopped her on the nose with it first. "You know the drill, specifics only."

Jeassaho knew the process she had been a commander in Starfleet as well as brought up among doctors her whole life but it did not mean that she wanted to explain what the feeling had been. “Mum would have accepted weird.” She pointed out as she sat on the bio bed.

"As is perhaps a relief to all concerned, I am not your mother." Jaxx fixed her with a pointed look as he set the tricorder ready and slowly traced the scanner down her length, forehead to chest. "Humour me with elaboration. Embellish, if you must."

Jeassaho lowered her feisty gaze and sighed. She stayed silent for a moment before she finally found the words. "I thought I was pregnant for a couple of long agonising moments. You know what it is like for a Betazoid woman when we are pregnant, we can sense the child within us and well... I thought I was and I know its impossible with my contraception but it was... I know what that feeling is like it is like no other sensation and .... with whatever is going on I want to check myself over."

A pair of raised eyebrows was the only response at first, though far from judgemental, they soon returned to a furrow of concentration. It was unnecessary, Jaxx decided, to remind her that nothing was impossible when it came to artificially controlling natural processes. Contraception was very effective until it wasn't. He was all too familiar with her previous reproductive history, however, and adjusted his tone to reflect his understanding. "Mae called Oryn her little mind parasite for the first few months," he offered quietly, empathy to fill in the silence. "Have you had any symptoms previous to this?"

Jeassaho smiled. She could remember Alexis feeling the same to her as she struggled to be Chief Engineer, fiancee, and all-around amazing engineer. "Alexis felt the same way... Why I recognised it." She mumbled through. She did not often talk about the child she lost with Reuben before their civilian venture started but she at the very least knew that Jaxx knew about it from Mae. It had been around the time they had been still estranged.

By outward appearances, his question had gone unanswered, but there were layers to the communication that passed between the old friends and Jaxx didn't need a verbal confirmation to sense her confusion. He also didn't require many passes with the scanner wand before setting it aside and coaxing her to lie back against the bed. Once she was settled, he pulled down the far more advanced unit and jostled it a little until it was angled the way he wanted it.

Have you considered trying again? The telepathic query shielded the sensitive topic from what was often the brutality of spoken word. He'd never found himself particularly successful at explaining it to his non-telepathic colleagues but psionic interchange was often less intrusive to Betazoids than verbalisation. The act of speaking forced the mind to process it again and aural comprehension was blunt and callous, the punch of endless syllables dressed in a tone that attempted a pantomime donkey's effort to convey emotion. It was a poor mockery, at best.

No. It was too traumatic. Why I... I think it is why I am here alone. Jeassaho said looking away relieved that he was speaking to her telepathically. It allowed her to wrap herself around him in comfort and companionship decades in the making. The memories were sharp and raw as she thought of that day when Reuben had been taken by the slavers and she had been left for dead in the shuttle unable to sell or use for anything, she was only alive thanks to the Victory finding her. She still had to go through labour and postpartum due to the lateness of losing her pregnancy. It had left a hole in her heart that even Reuben coming back or another child could never fill.

Is he still no better at talking through his emotions?

It was a question that highlighted how imperative telepathy could be when avoiding misconception because whilst it was laden with retrospective awareness of past challenges, its current focus was a gentle and affectionate tease that took nothing away from the impact of her trauma. Izriel had always been a difficult man to gauge outside the telepathic spectrum, there were so many layers to him that seemed to contradict one another that it was inevitable one implied itself dominant during spoken exchanges, only for a person to notice next time they spoke that something else entirely seemed to be the case. He and Reuben had required some early manoeuvring to reach a comfortable understanding, more on the human's part than Lonn's, and it had bred into their relationship a playful rivalry that made light of the fact it had come close, once upon a time, to being a very real one.

Not when it comes to that event. He was not there and knew nothing of it until he was freed. Jeassaho ventured a look at him and took in a deep breath as she gathered herself as she felt the thoughts of how close it had come at one point on her settling to life on Betazed and never venturing to Starfleet. It is why there are no children allowed on the vessel and why he has become a one man army to set the universe in order.

Sounds like he could do with talking to someone. An irony of sorts, since Jaxx was very aware that he was likely the closest thing to a trained psychologist on board, and even then it hardly counted as his specialisation. Betazoid training tended to be steeped in psychological principles, graduating without some capacity to address a patient's mental health as well as their physical needs just didn't pass official scrutiny on a planet where the mind was such a prevalent access point. Lifting his eyes from the display he'd been watching as the large scanner had performed its passes, the Betazoid met his friend's gaze with sad compassion and reached out to squeeze her hand. "All clear," he spoke softly, leaving the nuances of the implication to settle between the cracks.

"He could but he won't because he was not there with the trauma of the birth or aftermath." She said finally as her worries or fears were not confirmed. "I do not need your compassion. I am okay. It just threw me for a moment as it was so strong and powerful." She assured slowly sitting up to wipe her sweaty hands on her trousers.

The next psionic ripple was less a coherent sentence and more the kind of nuanced impression that made such communication a much easier way of conveying sentiment than trusting another's ability to guess at it. Jeassaho may have got away with the 'no need for compassion' line with the people she now considered friends and family but Jaxx was having none of it. Outwardly, he simply levelled a pair of raised eyebrows at her.

"Damn Collector." She said sighed as she pushed herself off the bio bed and stood up.

"Who is this Collector, might I ask?" It was a distraction that also served to address his curiosity. So far, this mysterious person seemed at least partially responsible for several medical issues on board and yet Jaxx had absolutely no idea what the historical context was.

“The guy that had the ship before we did. He has… he is an issue but he left tons of things he collected on the ship. It’s difficult to explain maybe I could show you?” The woman offered maybe it would help him understand better.

The offer took a moment to consider. Self-preservation made it seem like a less than sensible choice but professional obligation, coupled with innate curiosity, did leave Jaxx wondering if he'd be better suited to understand the sudden influx of collection-related mishaps if he saw the stash for himself. It was difficult to conceptualise, at the very least. "Do you think it's wise to go back if it left you so uncomfortable the first time?" It was the only thing that would cause lingering hesitation since concerns for his own well-being very rarely trumped consideration for others.

“Eventually going to have to figure out what made Burnie unwell. I could not detect anything timey whimey as Leiddem keeps saying. I’m not going back today but maybe tomorrow whatever it is might reappear.” Jeassaho was of the theory something was coming and going but nothing at that moment was substantial to prove it but time would tell.

"I guess someone from medical needs to start poking around," Jaxx agreed, moving aside the scanning equipment. "Does this stash of oddities usually cause issues, though? I'm surprised Reuben hasn't cleared everything out of it's this problematic."

"Not caused any issues really since we found them." She admitted before smiling. "No one has had time to go through it all. Cassie tries and it's why we have a few of the nicer things on the ship.... but." She let the thought drift off with a shrug. The Grotto normally behaved and was a good source of income when times got tough.

"So it's more a matter of turn a blind eye and hope something doesn't explode?" If he was honest, Jaxx wasn't exactly surprised. Jeassaho had found a husband with a very similar outlook on life when it came to acceptable risk and how much a person could conceivably flaunt it before things got too out of hand. He balked at the assertion that he was dull by comparison, mostly because he couldn't see what was so terrible about wanting to keep all his limbs intact, but there was something to be said for this being the longest stint he'd had away from Betazed since his training.

“I would not say that but it’s a serious undertaking that requires a lot of man power. Come on, I’ll show you the security feed from the entrance.” Jeassaho nudged him to a console and brought up a camera feed from the doorway of the grotto that showed the amount of stuff just in the doorway.

If she had hoped to alleviate his confusion, she was going to be sorely disappointed by his current expression. "Having seen the creative way you tended to arrange your wardrobe in your younger years," he started, calling to mind a rather impressive ability to find things in what seemed to his overly-orderly mind a complete mess, "I wouldn't say I'm surprised by the lack of visible organisation so much as disappointed you haven't at least rotated that statue just a little more." The art piece in question, whilst likely not intended as a source of offense, did appear to be affording the far wall an obscene gesture, at least by some cultural standards. "There'd be something quite pleasing about it flipping off the camera every time someone tried to check on it."

“Hey we found it like that.” She responded with a shrug at the suggestion that she would have left things that disorganised if she could help it. “And I’m organised now. Several years married to a neat freak has done that to me. Mister Executive Officer at the time could not have his quarters messy.” Jeassaho laughed. “Dixoho did not like the statue so she shoved it around.” The woman said fondly thinking on the Trill.

"Difficult to blame them," Lonn retorted, still squinting at the screen. "It does look just a little too realistic for its own good." It felt wiser to leave her claims of organisation uncontested, though a ripple across the surface of his thoughts carried with it an air of covert mischief. It was fleeting, a sly and secretive guile that so often didn't seem to suit the Betazoid's composed exterior. Life, or at the very least age, had improved Jaxx's ability to be demonstrative with his sense of humour but it took those closest to him to truly understand his capacity for devilment.

“Well tomorrow if we have time you can see it in real life.” Jeassaho announced slapping him on the back. “Rangers have been delayed for a little bit so we have a bit of time to explore and work out if we can what’s going on.”

"I shall count the hours," Jaxx teased wryly, though in truth it hadn't taken a great deal of effort to convince him. "In the meantime, if you get the same feeling again, come back and we'll dig a little deeper. And remember, you've got me trapped here, don't be afraid to make the most of it." He dipped his head so that he looked at her down the length of his nose. "You need to talk, you know where I am."

Jeassaho nodded but said nothing as she raised a hand in farewell. She did not need to talk to anyone other than Reuben and tell him about the strangeness she had experienced. That would be enough conversation for a while.