Moment Of Levity

Posted on Mon May 27th, 2024 @ 8:56pm by Ka'see 'Cassie' Anderson (*) & Executive Officer Jake Ford
Edited on on Mon May 27th, 2024 @ 9:01pm

Mission: Fractures
Location: Crew Quarters
Timeline: Jan 2398
2174 words - 4.3 OF Standard Post Measure

"When we get out of this we should...talk. About this stuff. We might not be able to explore this future like this, but we can explore it on our own terms - not a future that may or may not come to pass." Was what he had said but Cassie had not been in the right head space to discuss anything in the 3 days since the ship had been unfractured. She wanted her own space which meant sleeping in her quarters and ignoring communication so she could regather herself outside of repairing the damage the Temperance had caused.

She stopped in the corridor as she saw Jake standing opposite her door. She was not ready to talk to him yet but there he was looking like he was waiting. She paused but he stopped her and she offered a small wave. “What are you doing here?” She wondered as she joined him outside her door.

"Looking for you," he said with an affable if slightly withdrawn expression. "Am I allowed in? Or...would you prefer I come back later?"

“You are allowed in. No idea why you are waiting out here.” Cassie wanted to tell him to come back later but she could not do that when he had sought her out and had potentially been waiting there a while for her. She stepped into the small space first turning the lights to a lower level after all day working in bright light she wanted something duller.

"I dunno. Just felt weird being in your quarters without you." He also figured it might startle her to have someone just hanging around in her space unexpectedly, but that was left unspoken. He followed her inside, leaving a short silence before speaking. "Everything all right? Work okay?"

Cassie shrugged a little. That was his choice to not come in when she thought it was obvious that she wanted him in her space as he had permission to be there. "Work is fine. Just busy I guess trying to organise things again." She shrugged again as she indicated her dusty appearance.

"It's been a busy few days. For all of us. Repairing the ship after the engagement with the Temperance, not to mention the impact of multiple time fractures...not been easy on anyone."

At the question being raised again around her wellbeing, she decided to undo the flight suit and shift out of it chucking it to the chair close by leaving herself in shorts and a vest top. "I am confused I guess. I saw my past, confronted what happened the day I was held in transporter for 150 years and met a potential future. It is just a lot for me." She explained not reaching his gaze.

"For all of us..." he said quietly. "You don't need to-"

"It is selfish because everyone is most likely thinking the same so I kept out of the way and just ... sulked." She explained reaching for a human term that sounded like it fit.

His mouth curled up slightly at the notion of her 'sulking'. "Not the word I'd have used, but you have been a little more distant lately. We've all thrown ourselves into work at some point or other to escape the things that are bothering us. Unless it's more than that?"

Cassie slowly sunk to sitting on the couch and shrugged. “I confronted a lot when we went on our tour. Lots of things about my past and things around my future and … what about you?” She wondered trying to regather her thoughts enough to explain properly.

"Yeah." He sat down next to her, facing slightly inwards so he could still look at her properly. "Some things I'd have preferred to leave in the past." His mind flicked to thoughts of Eden. In many ways it was good he'd not bumped into her. "But you've been on board much longer. More memories to turn over."

"Did you see her?" Cassie decided to venture. "Eden I mean? It's not like we can ignore it." They both knew the woman and Cassie was... or at least had been friends on the Ishimura and SS Mary Rose until the woman had upped and left with no comment. Cassie had even tried to contact her several times but she had dropped off the grid so Cassie just wished her well in life.

"No." There was a sort of acceptance in his tone. As she had said to him in the moment, that part of his life was in the past. "I mean, I can ignore it. I have other things...other people on my mind now." He put a hand on top of hers. "The past...happened. We can't change the things we've seen and the things we've done. They're just a part of us, aren't they?"

“I just wondered if you got some type of closure from it?” She wondered turning her hand over to weave her finger through his. “But I guess you might not want to have seen it. I… saw Johnathan and I saw how he treated me. I wish I had not been so blinded by it all for so long.” She admitted before shrugging. It had been hard to watch when she had wanted to barge in and stop it.

"Vulcans might have a monopoly on emotional repression," he remarked with a faint smile. "But it's not unique to them. I get it. If there's something else you need to talk about, to get off your chest, I mean..."

“I do. Well I think I do… my biggest moment and something I have not wanted to mention is… well that future… we had a child.” She said fearfully she had been hiding so as not to have this conversation but it was needed. She had been thinking about the little boy she had held for a few precious moments.

He twitched faintly as she reminded him of that. "Yeah. We did." A short silence followed. "I suppose it was always a possibility that it could happen. In one potential future, I mean. Infinite possibilities and all that."

Cassie had expected something more but she nodded. It was different for her than him. She had a whole situation with being a parent. “I was married before Jonathan to a Vulcan man and we had child who I lost very late in the pregnancy. And neither of us me or Tevir handled it before well. I delved into how I had failed, it had been my genetics'… my humanness that had left us both brokenhearted.” She let out a long breath.

"You must have looked into it, right? Worked out some concept of whether it was remotely possible?" he probed carefully.

“I was a geneticist after all so I studied and studied found the reason why me and Tevir were not compatible enough to make that happen as everyone wanted.” She shook off the discomfort that it was creating as she remembered all the hushed words between doctors and scientist that both her and Tevir’s fathers had brought into the situation. “But it was nothing to do with either of us. Nothing to do with me being half human. But it broke us enough that I returned to Starfleet before we went through with the vitro fertilisation and after I disappeared without any trace… well without anyone looking hard Tevir created his family out of the embryos that had been created. And that is how I have children but they do not know me other than being their biological mother and someone who is back in their lives after 150 years.”

"That seems remarkably uncharacteristic for a Vulcan," Jake noted. "To take your embryos and use them like that. Surely the 'logical' thing would have been for him to move on, assumed you were gone. Doesn't it feel a little strange for you that he basically took your DNA and made kids with them? To me it just feels a bit...cold. Uncaring."

“They were our embryos. He had rights to them too.” Cassie shrugged. “He moved on but kept a little bit of me with him I suppose. I discussed this with him and hindsight is a wonderful thing.” It was weird and wonderful in her opinion but what had been done 150 years ago she could not change. She pulled her hand back slowly and wrapped them around herself.

He watched her carefully as she pulled her hand away. A defensive measure, one he assumed was a desire to avoid talking about it in a significantly emotional way. "You brought up 'our' future kid," he said softly. "Are you saying that that's something you...want?"

Cassie glanced to him trying to work out what he wanted to hear from her but when it was not obvious she shrugged. She might as well get what she was feeling out there and find out what he was thinking about it all. “Yes I guess so.” She admitted thinking of how her heart had exploded with love for the little boy that she had held for mere minutes. “Not right for this moment but I want that in the future.”

"In the future..." he echoed, a faint crease lining his brow. "I have to admit, seeing 'our' child...I don't know. Like, I really wanted that. And being human and all means a little less time to really make the most of the opportunity to..." Jake's voice trailed off. Starting a family had been something he'd wanted for a while, yet circumstances had never been stable enough to allow for it. The fact that he'd been going fairly steady with Cassie for a little over nine months now was about as long as he'd been with anyone before. "I suppose it's just different for you; you have Maras, after all."

“I have a family member yes. Like you have a brother. She’s my grandchild yes but she’s pretty much like a sister. I did not know she existed until three years ago.” Cassie explained. There were definitely no parental duties involved there, it was certainly more sibling than anything else which was nice as Cassie had never had a sibling. “So what are you saying here?” Cassie wondered properly trying to figure out where their heads were now that it seemed that they were both confused over the future they had seen.

Jake took a deep breath. "I don't know," he repeated, for what felt like the tenth time. "In that future, we were still together. We were parents. I guess that...scared me a little." He frowned.

Cassie bit her lip trying to work out what was going through his mind with what he had said. "First time something has felt real? This felt real?" She wondered aloud carefully.

His brow furrowed. "I didn't say that," he corrected. "What we have, the two of us, this is real. Of course, it is. But that future...it wasn't. At least, it wasn't yet." He shook his head; temporal mechanics and predestination weren't exactly hot topics in his experience. "But you brought it up, so what were you thinking?"

Cassie could see where this was going with them both feeling raw about the future they had seen and they had not even discussed the past they had been separated in. "Going from our future to my past I realised how much I care about you. And why stepping in to save you was one of the easiest choices I have ever made." She admitted.

Jake's frown turned into a more relaxed expression. "I care about you, too. And seeing what Sebastian did...the sacrifice he made for you all..." He sighed. "I wanted to save him, you know. I wanted to shove him in that transporter and let him have the life you all made for yourselves in this time. But...I suppose that's the difference between knowing the future and not knowing it; you can't take those risks if you know what's going to happen."

Cassie sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes. "I just do not want to lose this." She sighed leaning her head against his. It was hard to explain but she wanted him to know her confusion and thoughts enough. "And that scares me a lot. I ... I think this is the most human relationship I have ever had."

"Is that such a bad thing?" he replied. "We full-blooded humans are pretty scary." The moment of levity brought a pause. "I don't want to lose it either. Let's just...not talk about the kids stuff until we're both ready, yeah?"

Cassie nodded. She had could offer that now that she had at the very least closed up the wound on her family both in the past and a potential future. “Until we are ready.” She promised. They would need to talk more but for now at the very least it was not something that they were considering with the life they were living right now.